As you can see from the picture below, there has been much Sphinxoid activity in the grand old city over the past few years, and I'm sure it will increase as my 250th birthday party in 2006 draws near. Last time they attacked, the first place they chose to vandalize was the beautiful Stefansdom -- that is, St. Stephen's Cathedral, to those of you who don't speak German.
Just look at the mess! The walls, the rooves -- all encrusted with grime and dark soot. Most people have guessed the cause to be centuries of air pollution, but don't you believe it. This is Sphinxoid activity of the nastiest sort!
You can see that I am standing at the base of the Stefansdom -- I got to calling it the "Dirtydom"-- just a few hundred feet away from the hallowed spot where my "funeral" took place in 1791. No doubt, the defacement was done specifically for the purpose of thumbing their long noses at me.
I have, of course, no absolute proof, but I suspect Mehit or Seta were the culprits behind this mess. Petty destructiveness and mischief is just their style, and they were the same people who once dirtied up the Statue of Liberty, causing the City of New York great expense to restore it.
Naturally the Dirtydom had to be made clean, so we dispatched a team of Society loyals to sneak in during the dark of night with cans of Comet Cleanser and plenty of scrubbing pads and towels. We could not let this atrocity go unchallenged.
And here I am again, a few weeks later, standing beside what I smugly refer to as the "Cleandom". Please note the gleaming tiles and stonemasonry; the glistening stained-glass windows which can be seen through, the pristine workmanship which passes my personal white-glove test.
Let Mehit put THAT in his canopic jar and smoke it!
And for the record, here I am more recently in the suburbs of Vienna, not far from the flooded banks of the Danube River. The two innocent looking deer, marooned on someone's front steps, are not as innocent as they seem. They were, in fact, tourists who had shed their heavy winter coats and antlers for their incognito visit to warmer climates, never expecting to be recognized.
Yours truly until the next communiqué,
Special Agent K.007
Society of Horus
"Sworn to Defend and Protect the Unenlightened
You might well ask yourselves what such a renouned secret agent as myself is going back in my old haunts in Vienna, Salburg and Prague. Rest assured, it is not without good reason that I returned.
First of all, the great floods of the summer of 2002 were most alarming and destructive, with great loss of life and property, and damage to historical bridges and buildings. These are terrible natural occurances, but I do believe that certain agents of the Sphinxoids were taking full advantage of the situation, as I will hopefully demonstrate.
Assignment: PRAGUE
Assignment: SALZBURG
Here is the mighty Salzach River, courseing its way, as always, through the heart of old Salzburg. The only problem is, it is threatening to corse its way right down her ancient streets! It is hard to imagine the Sphinxoids or their agents having caused this trouble -- and yet, just as the Summer Mozart Festival was getting under way, the river began to rise with a vengeance, making everyone extremely nervous, and making them all feel very threatened. Yes, that is me standing on the bridge, surveying the situation while dozens of tourists stand on the banks, wondering if their concert tickets will be any good or not. Of course this may have nothing to do with the strange little men dressed in Eqyptiod costumes, buying Mozartjugeln by the gross, and making comments about what might happen if the mostly Mozart repitoire wasn't immediately changed to a week of hip-hop.
Speaking of Mozartly Mozart concerts...you are no doubt aware of the REAL reason the famous NYC concerts were cancelled this summer, aren't you? There was a sinister reason behind the musician's strike, and it originated in the Nile Valley, where they no longer have floods!
Ah, Prague... beautiful fairy tale Prague! Praha !
So ancient, so lovely... so wet!
How many times I walked these dry and ancient streets, listening to my music sung and played on every streetcorner, in every tavern and biergarten. Now, all they can sing about is water! And their Mozart Festval got blown away, too!
When I came to check out the city first-hand, I found myself having to take a rowboat just to find the Tyl Theater and the festival district. Such a mess! Only the local swans seemed to be enjoying themselves. Just look how high the water has risen in some parts of the city!
In Prague, wild swams are as common as pidgeons are in every other city.
And twice as messy.
The local authorities were kind enough to shuttle me through the watery streets of Prague as I tried to find my way about. This was an experience I had NOT planned on encountering outside of Venice! Furthermore, it was not very pleasant having to keep the swams from trying to steal my sandwich!
You guessed it -- these deer are the famous Donner and Blitzen, on summer vacation, not even wearing their antlers. They were distressed and unhappy when I got over there to rescue them, but they were grateful all the same. They asked if they could return the favor, and I grinned, "Just put in a word to Santa for me about that red-sparkled bowling ball I've been wanting to get my hands on." I wished them well, and they caught the next flight out to Lilihammer Norway, where their connections would meet them (they were travelling incognito, you know).
That was probably the best thing to come out of that wet, messy summer.
The character and likeness of Special Agent K.007 are the exclusive property of "Daisy Brambletoes".
All other text, original photos and original artwork by "Daisy Brambletoes"
are the property of
Cheryl W. Duval and Off-Note-Productions.
They are not to be used without permission.
Art & photos by others, have been credited whenever possible.
The character and likeness of Agent K.007 is protected by US copyright
Visiting the Big Apple is always an adventure, but this most recent trip was hair-raising to say the least, and pure monkey buisness to offer up a dreaful cliche.
Faye Wray never had such a scary time of it as I had, carried off in the paw of the giant ape of great fame, but nevertheless it was enlightening. It seems that Kong is quite a music lover, and a baseball fan as well. I believe he was hoping I would accompany him to the World Series to watch the Yankees beat Whoever. "That's all right, K.007," he said in his gruff voice, "In any case, I am going to Hollywood to sign a contract with Peter Jackson and make an autobiogaphy film." Kong is quite a celebrity in his won standing, and I should have liked to seen him shake hands with Mr. Jackson. Maybe this time he'll have a footprint made in front of Graumann's . It will be a great career jump - from little hobbits to the biggest Big Foot of all time. My tricorn off to you, Master Kong.
