This is the only "official" portrait that was ever painted of me after I became Agent K.007. If you think you haven't seen me during the past two hundred years and that all of this is nonsense, then you may have walked right past me and never even known it.
As you probably guessed, my music has given me the distinct advantage of existing in and out of Time and Space -- which is why whenever my music is played, some part of me is always present. You might even say that it is precisely what keeps me alive and well.
If this sounds a bit esoteric, then let me also point out that down through the centuries I have made numeous appearances in many other capacities other than in relation to music. Elsewhere in these pages, I will tell you about some of my adventures -- but here is where I want to show off some of my more successful disguises. Every Secret Agent has them, you know, and I am no exception.
This magnificent piece of porcelain is not what it seems to be. This was actually me, disguised as a delicate figurine, and priced so unbelievably high that no one could possibly have bought me unless they were crazy, and just HAD to have a twelve-inch statue of Mozart! I suspect it was the inspiration for that dreadful "12-inch pianist" joke over on the JOKES page. Even now, I can hear my detractors saying, "Mozart wasn't just some little porcelain doll, you know..." Ha! Ha! Haaaa! Someone must have given my secret away.
The porcelain doll disguise worked for at least fifty years, but al good things must come to an end. I spent several years as a teddy bear, and went by the handle of "Wolfgang Amabearus Mozart". It was kind of fun being cuddled by lovely girls and small children--although there was the time I had peanut butter smeared in my wig...
I moved on after that be disguised as an entire Oom-pah band. Can you guess which one was the real me and which one were the digitally cloned look-alikes? I'm glad you can, because frankly I've forgotten!
This picture was taken the year I disguised myself as a Christmas tree ornament. This was a very enjoyable experience, on the whole, because I got to hobnob with some very interesting fellow ornaments, including a wooden unicorn, a 50 year old celluloid donkey, and even a bread-dough replica of myself. I thought he was an impersonator, but it turned out he was also from Salzburg, and we had some friendly chats. Mind you, though -- the red piano in the picture was dreadfully out of tune, and as you can see, a piece of red ribbon had me in a head-grip so that I was forced to hold the viola halfway over my head. Come to think of it, maybe it wasn't such fun, after all, to be a tree ornament.
Not all of my disguises were happy ones. One time I was an action figure, as you can see. The odd black bird standing behind me thought I was something to carry up to his nest and attract a wife with. The birds were ecstatic and lived happily ever after, but it was not much fun to share a nest with four screaming, big-mouthed baby birds who pecked at my wig all the time. I had to eventually beat a retreat.
Likewise, an equally unpleasant experience came the time I disguised myself as a bottle of Mozart Chocolate liqouer. The trouble came when some idiot opened the cap and tried to dink me! I gave him such a bite on the lip that he dropped me with a scream, and I rolled under the floor to safety. It was not, however, to be my last experience disguised as food.
A lovely Viennese sukertorte was the perfect disguise until someone thought they would eat me. You can see my face in the middle of the sukertorte, which is a sinfully delicious chocolate cake with an orange or raspberry chocolate frosting shell. In my case, it was orange chocolate. I also confess to nibbling around my own corners, myself.
One of my favorite -- as well as riskiest disguises -- has always been to take the part of a humble
Mozartkugel.
This Mozartkugeln Shrine was in St.Wolfgang, Austria. You may have to look very hard to find me, but I'm there -- not but a few feet away from the wigged manequin, who was of course NOT me, but Agent 4Q2, who had come to inform me about the latest Sphinxoid plot to steal all the Mozartkugeln in Austria. Being a Mozartkugeln is still one of my favorite disguises, however, and I still employ it frequently.
I once took a breather from my more difficult disguises, and moved into the house of my friend Kathy, who keeps this magnificent harpsichord and several other musical instruments. For the most part I appear to her as myself, but I don't allow myself to be photographed, I'm afraid.
You guessed it! The lamp is me.
I believe my favorite disguise at the moment is taht of a Cabbage Patch Doll -- which is how I happened to meet Daisy. She frequently calls me "L'll Wolfi", or even just plain "Wolfi" -- but she knows who I really am.
This picture of me was taken on a mild spring day, up on Long Island, New York (and it is a long story how I got there), shortly before I went for an unexpected swim in a pool.
I also took Daisy to one of those famous Mostly Mozart concerts over at Avery Fischer Hall, where the doorman immediately recognized me and gave me a free pass.
This was an occasion in which I met some other gentlemen with interesting disguises -- Special Agent POTO, who lives in tunnels beneath the Paris Opera House and safeguards all performances -- and Special Agent B&B, who lives in tunnels beneath the streets of New York and safeguards anything he can. They were most gracious people, and are friends I can call on whenever I need backup either in New York or Paris.
This surprisingly successful disguise was one of my favorites -- this lovely duck costume, which was inspired partially by my little opera, "The Goose of Cairo". In that piece, a tenor was disguised as a very large goose, so you can see the connection.
And --- oh yes, by the way...
You are quite right if you're asking yourself, "isn't that Haydn's Surprise Symphony?" playing in the background. You see, the main theme of the symphony was a bit of a disguise in itself. It was based around a little ditty of my own, and Papa Haydn originally utilized it to surprise me and get a private laugh. The only problem was, he wrote it when he was on tour in 1791 and was quite surprised to find out that I had "died" in the interum.
But that's all right -- Papa Haydn had friends inside the Society of Horus who told him that all was well.
While there have been many other successful disguises, too numerous to list here, I will close for now with one of the most interesting. I was disguised as a marionette for a puppet production of "Amadeus", held in New Orleans. That is me, disguised as the Emperor Joseph II puppet. I guess that made me a puppet emperor, but I've always wanted a chance to say, "Well, there it is!" and "It's good to be the King." After this, I may audition for the Salzburg Marionettes I one of their opera productions. Do you think I could get away with it?
The character and likeness of Special Agent K.007 are the exclusive property of "Daisy Brambletoes".
All other text, original photos and original artwork by "Daisy Brambletoes"
are the property of
Cheryl W. Duval and Off-Note-Productions.
They are not to be used without permission.
Art & photos by others, have been credited whenever possible.
The character and likeness of Agent K.007 is protected by US copyright
This is a disguise I wore on occasion when I visited my hometown of Salzburg. As a Jumping Jack I had only moderate success since I called too much attention to myself, and there was an unfortunate tendancy on the part of a lot of kinderlings to pull on the string between my legs and make my arms and legs kick. It was very humiliating, needess to say, and I retired this disguise as quickly as possible. Now and then I might wear it around the house in order to get a cheap laugh, but that's about it.
One of my favorite disguises was the summer I sepnt in Vienna disguised as a life-sized cutout, and selling boxes of Mozartkugln with a very mischievous come-hither smile. I was a serious heartbreaker. And as you can see, I clearly won the heart of my Hollander friend, Marlene, who saw straight through my disguise, and who could barely tear herself away from me. I like to meet loyal fans
Photo by Marlene Van Slagern
Over the past 200 years I have taken the guise of many interesting dolls, jumping jacks, bobble-heads and tree ornaments, these being but a few of them. I was a little unhappy with the jumping jack, though--after all, having a string pulled out of one's backside would make anyone jump! Ouch!
Another of my favorite disguises is as this marble statue. Most people think I am just a harmless mime, but little do they know that this is the real me, and that it has beena great way to meet my fans.
Some of the most recent - and most interesting - impersonators in recent years have been a variety of bogus portraits that have arisen, none of which i ever sat for. Some of them, however, were certainly inspired by me.
While here indeed have been certain recent discoveries, these are highly unlikely candidates. While the portrait on the left bears a strong resemblance, it cannot be verified. I don't remember sitting for it in any case.
And in any event, the locket on the right is most certainly NOT me! The young man is dressed as a lord, not a musician. I never wore my Silver Spur in any painting but the one I sat for as a teenager. Furthermore, he looks like Jerry Seinfeld!
